We asked the SpiceHeads in the Spiceworks community for IT-related jokes recently. Here are their stories:
A man flying in a hot air balloon suddenly realizes he’s lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts to get directions, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?" The man below says: "Yes. You're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field." "You must work in Information Technology," says the balloonist. "I do" replies the man. "How did you know?" "Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but It's of no use to anyone."
The man below replies, "You must work in management." "I do," replies the balloonist, "But how'd you know?" "Well", says the man, "you don’t know where you are or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault."
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Q: Where's the best place to hide a body?
A: Page two of Google Search.
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IPV6 walks into a bar.
No one talks to it.
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You know you’re in IT if... ...you paid $6000 for your computer and $500 for your car. ...your pets are named Cat 5 and Cat 6. ...power cords breed in your office. ...your laptop is held together with duct tape. ...you accidentally tell your wife to submit a ticket when she asks you what you want for dinner. ...you make CAT5 action figures. ...you have a tray table on the server rack for lunch. ...you’ve racked up 10 weeks of vacation and still don’t have time to take any. ...rock, paper, scissors is a legitimate decision-making process. ...you have more switches than friends. ...you have a server rack in your garage at home. ...all of your relatives expect you to fix their home computer.
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Why did the computer crash?
It was a bad driver!
I will show myself out...
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Four engineers get in a car. The car won't start.
The Mechanical Engineer says: "It's a broken starter"
The Electrical engineer says: "Dead battery"
The Chemical engineer says: "Impurities in the gasoline"
The IT engineer says: "Hey guys, I have an idea. How about we all get out of the car and get back in"
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A priest, a thief, and an engineer are sentenced to death by beheading. They line up in front of the guillotine and the priest says "Please, grant me one request. I wish to die facing God." So the executioner lays priest on his back and pulls the lever, but the blade stops halfway down. "It must be divine intervention," cries the executioner. "You will be allowed to live." The thief, seeing this, decides to mimic the request and once again, the blade stops halfway down. He too is allowed to live. The engineer thinks to himself, "Well, it worked for them, let's give it a go," and makes the same request. As the engineer lies down on his back he looks up at the guillotine and exclaims "Oh! I see your problem!"
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Had a band named 1023MB... never made a gig.
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I got a joke about UDP buuuuut you might not get it.....
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Failure is not an option -- it comes bundled with Windows.
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"Knock, knock. Who's there?" very long pause... "Java."
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I tried to read the EULA because I wanted to know what I was agreeing to.
My coworker said not to bother.
So I clicked Accept.
Now I'm cleaning toilets at Microsoft.
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Tech One: I heard if you put the Windows ME CD in a CD player, there's a message from Satan that will enact a curse on your household and lineage.
Tech Two: That's nothing - if you put it in a computer, it installs Windows ME.
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"There's no place like 127.0.0.1"
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There are 10 types of people in the world.
Those that understand binary and those that don't
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These two strings walk into a bar and sit down. The bartender says, "So what'll it be?"
The first string says, "I think I'll have a beer quag fulk boorg jdk^CjfdLk jk3s d#f67howe%^U r89nvy~~owmc63^Dz x.xvcu"
"Please excuse my friend," the second string says, "He isn't null-terminated."
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What does a pirate store his data on?
An Arrrrr Drive
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A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will tell everyone how smart and brave you are and how you are my hero" The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will be your loving companion for an entire week." The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for a year and do ANYTHING you want." Again the man took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a year and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The man said, "Look, I'm a computer programmer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool."